Hold On and Let Go
by texasbelle91
Summary: I don't know why we can't get it right, it's like trouble's gonna find us no matter what we try and I don't give a damn anymore if the whole town knows I just wanna hold on to you and let go (Meth AU/Characters may be OOC)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is a new Meth story. I hope y'all enjoy it!**_

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><p>Hold On and Let Go<p>

Chapter 1

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><p>Beth pulled her car up in front of an old familiar trailer. It was just as worn down now as it was back then. She slipped on her sunglasses and stepped out of the car, almost stepping on a plastic princess tiara. She hadn't been expecting that.<p>

She sighed and carefully stepped over the toys that were scattered in the yard as she made her way to the front door.

Raising her fist to knock, she stepped back as the door swung open.

She stood there staring at the man in the doorway who in turn was staring back at her.

Daryl opened his mouth to speak but before he could get the words out a little blonde girl ran past him and wrapped her arms around Beth's legs.

"I knew you'd come see me, mommy," the little girl smiled up at Beth.

Beth looked down at her for a moment before looking back at Daryl.

"Umm," she cleared her throat, "is Merle here?"

Daryl grunted. "Why tha hell ya askin'?"

"I just...I wanted to talk to him."

"Lil' late fer that, don't ya think?"

"Mommy," the little girl jumped up and down, "pick me up. Please, mommy."

Beth took a deep breath and looked down at her.

"Annie, get inside," Daryl said to the little girl.

"Annie?" Beth's voice cracked.

"Yeah," Daryl said, crossing his arms, "Merle named 'er."

Beth looked down and wiped her eyes.

"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have came here. I'm sorry I bothered you."

She quickly turned around and all but ran to her car.

Daryl huffed as he watched her.

"That's right, bitch. Run like ya did before," he called out just as she was getting into her car.

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><p>An hour later Beth found herself parked in front of her father's house with tears running down her face.<p>

She tried to dry her eyes and calm herself down before she went inside but the moment she looked up and saw her father and sister standing on the porch, watching her, she lost it.

Opening the car door and getting out, she ran towards the house.

"Bethie, are you alright?" Her father asked when she reached the top step.

"He named her Annie!" She cried out. "He fuckin' named her Annie!"

She watched as Hershel lowered his eyes and Maggie hung her head, shifting uncomfortably.

"Oh my God! Y'all knew?"

"Yes, Bethie, we did." Hershel replied.

"I...," Beth shook her head, "I can't believe it. Y'all knew!"

"Elizabeth Joanna Greene, don't you dare try to put the blame on us for anythin'," Hershel spoke sternly. "None of this is our fault. You only have yourself to blame."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Daddy. I'm the fuck up." Beth looked at her sister, "You should have told me!"

"It's not my fault, Beth. You need to quit blaming everyone, including Merle for what's happened. You made the choice to be with him. It's your fault you ended up pregnant by a Dixon at sixteen."

"I'm not tryin' to blame anyone else, Maggie!"

"Elizabeth, maybe you should leave," Hershel reasoned.

Beth rolled her eyes. "I'm not leavin', Daddy. I'm here...I'm here to fix things."

"Alright then," Hershel nodded, "get your things and put them in your room then you can help Maggie with the horses."

"Yes sir," she mumbled before going to her car.

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><p>Later that night, while lying in bed, Beth tried to think of ways she could right her wrongs.<p>

She had made so many mistakes, some bigger than most, but she didn't know where to begin.

Maybe she should begin with trying to fix her biggest mistake, and quite honestly the thing she regretted the most, but that would mean speaking to Daryl again but maybe she'd get lucky and Merle would be there. All she'd have to do is bat her eyelashes and he'd be wrapped around her finger again. But no, she couldn't do that. She wasn't sixteen anymore and it wouldn't fix a God damn thing, it'd only make it worse.

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><p>Daryl rubbed his eyes, poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table.<p>

He and Annie would be going to visit Merle today and after the surprise visit from Beth the day before, he was not looking forward to telling Merle.

"Uncle Daryl!" Annie shouted happily as she ran into the kitchen, "I'ma see my daddy today!"

He smiled and picked her up, "Yep, ya sure are. What ya want fer breakfast, Princess?"

"Umm," she tapped her finger against his chin, "Mickey Mouse pani-cakes an' scrambled eggs."

"Ya got it, Princess."

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><p>After breakfast, Daryl and Annie cleaned up and got ready to go visit Merle in prison.<p>

Both were silent the whole two hour drive, until they pulled into the parking lot.

"Listen 'ere, kid. We ain't tellin' yer daddy who came by yesterday. Ya got it?"

"Yes sir," Annie nodded and both climbed out of the truck.

Inside, they had to wait twenty minutes before they'd get to see Merle. He was set for release in two months so Daryl figured he could deal with the Beth situation then. No need to mention it right now.

When Merle sat down across from them, Annie's face lit up and she started rambling.

Daryl and Merle didn't try to stop her.

Merle's own face lit up with a smile as he listened to his little girl talk about school and the new dress her aunt Lori had bought her for church.

Daryl looked up at the clock to see their time was almost up.

"We gotta go soon. Go 'head an' tell yer daddy bye," he told Annie.

Annie crinkled her nose and gave a little huff. "Bye, daddy! I love you."

"Bye, baby girl. Love ya, too."

Daryl and Annie stood but before they walked out, Annie turned back around to face her daddy.

"Daddy," she called out, "mommy came to see me yesterday."

Daryl's jaw tightened as he turned around to face his brother. If looks could kill, Daryl would have died in that moment and he was sure that when Merle got out, he would be.

Both of Merle's fists were clenched and he looked as if his head would explode.

Annie's eyes were wide and fearful and she had one hand over her mouth and the other gripped Daryl's tightly.

"Don't ya dare let that bitch 'round her," Merle growled. "I don't care what ya gotta do but keep 'er away from my kid!"

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><p><em><strong>AN: The title was inspired by "Hold On and Let Go" by Sam Riggs and the Night People.**_

_**This first chapter may move a little fast but there will be more so please be patient. **_

_**Please review!**_

_*** I will have updates for some of my other stories soon. :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Two chapters in one day! Yay! I hope y'all are enjoying this story. Please leave me a review! Thank y'all!**_

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><p>Hold On and Let Go<p>

Chapter 2

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><p>Beth had been back for a week now but had made no other attempts at contacting Daryl or Merle or anyone else except her family.<p>

Today was going to be different though. She had a lot to prove not only to herself but to her family as well. They were all still walking on pins and needles just waiting for the moment she broke.

She couldn't blame them though, she was waiting for that moment as well.

It didn't take her long to gather up the nerve to leave the farm and go into town.

Beth walked into the police station, asked for Officer Grimes and waited until she was shown to his office.

"Bethie Greene," Rick smiled and hugged her as she entered his office.

She smiled back, "Hi, Rick."

"What can I do for you?" He asked as he took a seat behind his desk.

"I need," she laughed nervously, "I need to have my probation transferred here."

"Okay, we can do that. Do you have all of your information?"

"Yes sir," she said and pulled out a folder and handed it to him.

Rick looked through the file and sat it down. "I'll contact your probation officer and have everything transferred here and I'll let you know when to come in. Are you at your dad's address?"

"Yes sir, I am."

"Are you clean? Can you pass a drug test right now?"

Beth nodded, "I can."

"Alright," he stood up, "I'll be right back."

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><p>Hershel sat down across from Merle and folded his hands on the table in front of him.<p>

"I talked to Daryl," Hershel said, "he told me that you know Beth is in town."

Merle nodded and bit his tongue.

"Well, Bethie is staying at the house but just as I told Daryl, I will not let her around Annie. I see she's trying to change but until I know for sure that she is, I won't let her endanger my granddaughter's life."

"Ta hell with her changin'. We both know she ain't gonna do nothin' 'cept what she wants ta do," Merle replied through gritted teeth, "She jus' wants ta come in 'ere an' fuck up our lives, ol' man."

"Now, Merle, you need to listen to me, I want what's best for Annie just as much as you do. I will make sure she's safe. You have my word."

Merle nodded and snickered. "I shouldn't have let Annie see pictures of Beth an' y'all shouldn't have showed 'em ta 'er either. She didn't need ta know who 'er mama is. Beth sure as hell never made any effort."

Hershel sighed, "We both know Beth was sick and we all tried to help her. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

"I know," Merle agreed.

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><p>"Alright, Bethie," Rick said, once again taking a seat at his desk, "we'll get your test results back within forty-eight hours. But, there's still some questions I have to ask."<p>

"Okay," Beth nodded.

"First of all, have you had any recent contact with someone who has a criminal record?"

"No sir."

"Okay. Second, are you willing to attend courses or admit yourself to a hospital, rehab facility or serve time in jail for the remainder of your probation?"

"Yes sir. I'm willing to take courses. I will only admit myself if it's absolutely necessary."

Rick looked down at Beth's file and made several notes in it before picking up another and doing the same.

"My third question is, how are you really doin'?"

Beth shrugged. "I'm doin' fine. I wish I could fix everythin' but I can't."

"Don't say that. You can always fix things. Especially with your family. I know they love you and only want what's best for you."

"I know they do. But I..."

There was a tap on the door and it opened slightly. "Rick? There's someone here who wants to speak with you," one of the secretaries said.

"Give me a minute to finish up with Ms. Greene then you can send them in," he told her.

"Will do," she replied.

"Um, before I go would you mind if I came by your house later to talk to Lori?" Beth asked.

"Not at all. She should be home around six."

"Thank you, Rick."

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><p>Daryl waited quite impatiently for his turn to speak with Officer Grimes.<p>

He wasn't in any kind of trouble, he was actually there to ask for a favor, but that didn't stop him from nervously fidgeting and biting his lip.

"Officer Grimes will see you now," the secretary called out to Daryl and motioned for him to follow her to Rick's office.

Daryl stopped short of the office when Rick stepped out followed by Beth.

She looked up at him and quickly adverted her eyes as she walked away without saying a word.

Daryl followed Rick into his office and sat down across from him.

"We don't have Merle's release date set," Rick informed him, "but he's lookin' at anywhere from six to eight weeks from now."

"Good ta know but that ain't why I'm here."

"Well, why are you here?"

"I need ta get a restraining order."

"Okay," Rick pulled out a form, "Who is it for?"

"It's fer Annie. I need ta make sure Beth Greene cain't be 'round 'er."

Rick looked up and let out a long sigh. "Daryl, are you sure you want to do that?"

He shrugged. "It ain't my choice. Merle wants me ta get it."

Rick leaned back in his seat. "I don't want to do that to her. To Annie or Beth."

"Like I said. It ain't my choice."

"Alright then. I'll send in the paper work and you'll be contacted for a hearing to receive the restraining order."

"Thanks man."

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><p>Beth was leaned up against her car in the parking lot of the police station, smoking a cigarette when Daryl walked out.<p>

"Daryl!" She called out and walked towards him. "Hey, Daryl. Would you stop so I can talk to you?"

He stopped and turned to face her. "What tha hell do ya want, Beth?"

"I want to see my daughter."

He laughed. "That ain't happenin' 'less hell freezes over."

"She's mine and Merle's daughter, not yours!"

"She's Merle's kid, Beth, but she ain't yers! So stay tha hell away from 'er."

"Daryl, you can't do this! Tell me where Merle is and I'll talk to him about it."

"Yeah, I already know how that's gonna go."

"Please, I just want a chance to make things right. She's my baby."

Daryl scoffed. "Yer baby? Ya didn't give a damn 'bout yer baby when you was stickin' a needle in yer arm."

Beth froze. She knew everyone would use that against her but it still hurt to hear it.

"I'm tryin'," she whispered as Daryl walked off.


	3. Chapter 3

Hold On and Let Go

Chapter 3

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><p>Four days after his confrontation with Beth in the parking lot of the police station, Daryl tucked Annie into bed, turned on her night light and stood in the doorway as she said her nightly prayer.<p>

"...and God, please let mommy come see me again. I love her. Amen."

He leaned his head against the door frame and silently cursed himself and Merle. Though he really couldn't blame himself for any of this. Annie was Merle's daughter, not his. It wasn't his fault Merle didn't want Beth around her. He was simply following his older brother's orders by keeping her away, just like he always did.

He wasn't one to pray, but he did that night. He prayed for Annie. That for her sake, both Merle and Beth would straighten up, get clean and be there for her. Though he knew Merle had tried his best while Beth had made no effort before.

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><p>Beth sat in her bedroom chewing her lip after biting all of her finger nails into the quick.<p>

She had to do something. What she wanted to do wasn't an option anymore but she had to find something to take her mind off of Annie.

She didn't care how late at night it was, she decided to clean.

About halfway through scrubbing the kitchen floor on her hands and knees, Hershel and Maggie stood in the doorway.

"What on earth are you doin', Bethie?" Maggie asked.

Not looking up, she replied. "What's it look like I'm doing?"

"Beth," her father's voice was soft but still commanded her attention so she looked up. "You need to get some rest."

"No," she shook her head, "I can't."

"And why can't you?"

"I can't stop thinkin' about her. Daryl won't let me see her. He has no right to keep her from me and yet, he is."

Hershel walked over to his youngest daughter and helped her stand.

"I'm tellin' you right now, go to bed and get some sleep. We'll discuss this further in the mornin'. Alright?"

She stayed quiet and let him lead her upstairs to her bedroom.

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><p>The morning came too soon for Beth nd before she knew it she was in the barn shoveling the stalls just as she had been told to do.<p>

Hershel hadn't given her the chance that morning to talk, instead he rushed her out the door and then he and Maggie left soon after she started her chores.

She didn't mind the work, it kept her occupied. However, it didn't keep her mind from wandering. All day she thought of Annie and all the things she had missed out on.

By noon Hershel and Maggie still hadn't returned but at dinner time, two cars came flying up to the house.

Beth, along with Patricia and Otis, stepped out onto the porch and watched as Hershel and Maggie exited the first car and started towards the house. Stepping out of the second car was Officer Rick Grimes and his partner Officer Shane Walsh.

Hershel turned to face the men and held his hands up. "Just give me a few minutes with her to explain what's goin' on and then you can speak with her."

Both men nodded in agreement and Hershel continued up the stairs towards Beth.

"Bethie, come inside," he said and gently took hold of her arm to lead her inside.

"Daddy? What's...I...I didn't do anythin'. Why are they here?" Beth said panicked.

"Have a seat, Bethie. We need to discuss the situation with Annie."

Beth sat down next to Maggie and watched as Hershel paced the living room.

"Elizabeth," he started, "you cannot be around Annie. No matter how much you want to make things right."

"Wh...what?" Beth stammered.

"Rick and Shane are here to serve you with a restraining order," Maggie explained, "you can't see or contact Annie in any way."

"I...I don't understand," Beth said, jumping up from her place on the couch and staring at her father. "Daddy?"

"Bethie, you do not have any rights to Annie. You gave birth to her, yes. But you don't have any rights to see her and Merle doesn't want you to see her."

"Bullshit! I'm her mother!" Beth shouted.

Hershel looked down and shook his head. "We begged you not to, Beth. But you signed your rights away. Legally, Merle's her only parent but Daryl is her legal guardian."

"No," Beth shook her head and began crying, "you're wrong, Daddy. I wouldn't...I didn't do that!"

"You did, Bethie," said Maggie as she stood and made her way over to Beth. "We asked you not to. I told you I would raise her until you got better but you had already made up your mind. It didn't matter how messed up you were, wat drugs you were on or anythin'. We had no way of stoppin' you. The day you handed her over to Merle, you told him and us that you didn't want her and then you left. After that, we only heard from you when you need money or were in some kind of trouble and occasionally when you were clean but that never lasted long. You never once asked about her."

Beth burst into tears and fell down to her knees just as Rick entered the house.

He took one look at Beth and quickly turned away, wiping his own eyes.

Maggie helped Beth to her feet as Rick and Shane began explain the terms of the restraining order.

"How...how did this happen?" She asked Rick and held up the papers.

Rick shrugged and motioned for Hershel to follow him outside.

"I shouldn't be tellin' you this," said Rick, "but Daryl hired Lori to be his lawyer and since her dad is the county judge, he signed the papers without a hearin'. I know it's not..."

Hershel raised his hand for Rick to stop, "If it will keep my granddaughter safe and my daughter out of trouble, I don't care nor do I need to know how it happened."

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><p>Beth pushed her food around on her plate for awhile at dinner before getting up and throwing the plate, food included, into the sink and storming to her room.<p>

Everything she had done, everything she was trying to do was for Annie and now it seemed it had all been for nothing.

Looking over the papers only made things worse. She was hurt when she saw that Daryl's lawyer was Lori Grimes, someone she had known and trusted.

She started laughing. "You are so fuckin' stupid, Beth," she told herself out loud.

Sleep didn't come easy for her. She tossed and turned and laid away until she couldn't take it anymore.

Getting up, she went to her bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet, finding nothing but a tube of tooth paste, she went downstairs. She had done this many times before so she was careful not to disturb anything or make any noise as she picked the lock on her fathers office door.

Hershel wasn't stupid. He knew Beth would try to get into his office if things got too hard for her, much like they had today. After all, it was how they found out about her problems so many years ago.

So he waited.

As soon as the door to his office was open, he flicked on the lamp at his desk.

Beth stared at her father wide eyed and batted her eyelashes.

"What are doin', Elizabeth?"

"Nothin', daddy," she said innocently.

Hershel crossed his arms and pointed to the chair in front of his desk.

"Have a seat."

Beth didn't move.

"Don't make me tell you twice, Elizabeth!"

She hurried to the chair and sat down but she didn't dare look up at her father. She knew what she would see and it was best if she could pretend she didn't see those things, she could pretend he didn't care.

"I am very disappointed in you. You have one rough day and you try to fix it by sneaking into my office. That's not how you fix your problems."

No amount of pretending could keep Beth from hearing the pain and disappointment in his voice.

"You gave up that little girl so you only have yourself to blame for that but I will own up to my part in what has happened," he paused and picked up a picture of his family, "I wasn't there enough, when your mother got sick. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to see her that way so I buried myself in work and neglected my responsibilities to this family. To you. I regret not being there. Maybe if I had been around, maybe if I paid more attention, I would have seen the signs. I could have stopped you from being around Merle but I didn't know until after I caught you sneaking in here for drugs. And by then, it was too late."

"Daddy," Beth finally looked up at him, "this isn't your fault. It's mine. All of this, it's my fault. I killed Shawn, daddy." She sighed and fought back her tears, "I killed my own brother because I was too stupid and stubborn. And now...I have to live with that and everythin' I've done."

Standing up, Beth willed herself not to cry and calmly said, "Comin' back here was a mistake. Annie was a mistake."

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><p><em><strong>AN: There's more to come so just hang in there. **_

_**Please Review! :)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hold On and Let Go**

**Chapter 4**

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><p>Beth sat in her car and watched as a school bus pulled away from Daryl's house.<p>

She felt crazy for sitting there and knew she could get into trouble for doing it but she didn't care. She needed to talk to Daryl and it was best if she did that when Annie wasn't there.

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><p>Daryl had had just shut the front door when there was a knock.<p>

Without looking, he swung it open then after seeing who it was, he pulled it back to slam it shut.

"Don't you dare shut that door in my face!" Beth yelled and stepped inside. "You have NO right to keep her from me! You can't do this!"

Daryl scoffed. "I have every fuckin' right to keep her from you!

Daryl crossed his arms over his chest and looked down.

"I don't wanna keep 'er from ya but it ain't my choice."

"Daryl, I'm clean and I have been for over a year now."

Daryl rubbed his face. "Shit, Beth. Ya cain't be 'round 'er."

"Where's Merle?"

"He's busy. 'Sides, I'm Annie's legal guardian. Ya gotta go through me."

"Then why the hell did you say it wasn't up to you?!"

"'Cause she's Merle's kid."

"God, Daryl. She's my kid, too. I know I messed up but I want to make it right. I want to spend time with her."

"Ya didn't want 'er, Beth. Did ya forget that? Did ya forget that you took an overdose ta try ta get rid of 'er? Huh? You didn't want 'er, Merle did."

Tears filled Beth's eyes as she shook her head. "Please, Daryl. Please just give me a chance. Let me see her and spend time with her. You can be there to supervise. I don't have to be alone with her. Please think about it," she sighed, "if you change your mind, I'll...um...I'll be at daddy's."

Daryl watched as Beth turned away and walked out of the door. It wasn't his decision, it was Merle's but he knew where Merle stood.

Daryl didn't sleep much that night or the next. He couldn't get his mind off of Beth and how hurt she had sounded.

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><p>Beth was sitting at the kitchen table looking over restraining order when there was a knock at the front door.<p>

She didn't move to get it because she knew her father was close by.

All she could hear were the muffled sounds of her fathers voice as he opened the door.

She heard the footsteps coming into the kitchen but assuming it was her father, she didn't look up.

"Beth."

Her head snapped up at the sound of her name that clearly didn't come from her father.

"I thought 'bout what ya said," Daryl said while keeping his eyes on her. "No matter what shit ya did 'fore, Annie needs her mama. It ain't fair ta her 'cause she knows 'bout you an' she asks 'bout you all tha time."

Beth stared at him blankly. She wasn't sure if she was imagining this or not.

"I...uh...I talked ta Rick. Told 'im what I'm gon' do," Daryl continued, "I'ma let ya see 'er, Beth but if ya try anythin', it's over."

Beth felt the tears fall from her eyes but she couldn't tell you how she ended up in front of Daryl.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, "I never meant to hurt anyone, especially her. I just...I..."

"I know," Daryl stopped her, "Merle got ya hooked on that shit. But jus' 'cause I'ma let ya see 'er don't mean ya can jus' show up. Merle ain't gon' like this none but maybe you can show 'im ya ain't tha same as ya was."

Beth nodded and wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Daryl"

"C'mon," he jerked his head for her to follow him.

Following Daryl outside, Beth gasped when she saw Annie with Hershel.

"Mommy!" Annie shouted and ran to her. "Mommy!"

Beth hit her knees and wrapped her arms around her baby girl. She didn't know what to say so she just held onto her daughter.

"I'm sorry, baby," she finally whispered.

Annie pulled away from Beth and frowned. "What's wrong, mommy?"

Beth shook her head and picked Annie up. "Nothin's wrong, baby."

Daryl watched Beth hugging Annie for a while before speaking up.

"Hey, Beth, we gotta get home. She's got school tomorrow," he said.

"Before you go, can we talk?" Beth asked.

When Daryl agreed, she sat Annie down and the two of them walked towards the barn. Once they were out of earshot, Beth stopped.

"Does she know?" Beth asked.

"Naw. She don't know shit. Merle ain't never told 'er. He won't even tall 'bout none of it 'round her."

"What's Merle gonna say about me seein' her?"

"Done told ya he ain't gon' like it. He ain't gon' let ya see 'er anymore," Daryl sighed, "I'll bring her over Saturday ta see ya."

Beth agreed but really didn't have anything else to say after that.

She couldn't tell Daryl, her father, Maggie or anyone else that she was never really able to remember everythin' that had happened. She had killed her brother, that much she knew. She even remembers trying to kill herself and Annie by cutting her wrists when she was pregnant.

But other than that, she didn't remember much or maybe she chose not to remember.

That night Beth opened her jewelry box, the one Merle had given her years ago, and removed the false bottom. She stared at the contents but before second guessing herself, she removed one of the baggies and emptied it's contents onto a small mirror.

It wasn't long before the lines she had made were gone. The shit was old but it was somethin' and it made things better, at least for the time being.

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><p><em>"Beth!" Shawn's voice drifted into her mind as she curled into a ball on the floor of her bedroom.<em>

_"Beth!" Shawn called out again as she sat up in bed and scrambled to cover herself and hung her head. "This the guy you're gettin' your shit from? Are you fuckin' him for the drugs?"_

_"Who the fuck are you?"_

_"I'm here for my sister. I'm takin' her home."_

_Beth looked up. "I'm not goin' back, Shawn."_

_"I'm not lettin' you stay here, Beth."_

Beth jumped awake at the sound of the gun going off.

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><p>"Bethie?" Maggie rushed to her side, "Are you alright? I heard you screamin'."<p>

"Blood," Beth cried and mumbled, "I killed him. I had the...the gun. I...I was with him and then...then the gun went off. So...so much blood."

Maggie looked around Beth's room as well, something wasn't right and when she spotted it, she yelled out for Hershel.

"Daddy!" Maggie yelled again and snatched up the baggie and handed it to Hershel when he came into the room.

"I'm callin' Rick," Hershel told her and went back downstairs.

* * *

><p>Hershel waited on the front porch for Rick.<p>

As requested, Rick came alone.

"Where is she?" Rick asked.

"Her room. She's high."

Rick followed Hershel upstairs to Beth's room where she hadn't moved.

"Don't...don't touch me," Beth whispered, tears still running down her face, "Caesar...he had a gun and I used it. Shawn wouldn't leave so I had to do it. I didn't want to but I had to."

"She's not makin' any sense," Maggie told their father and Rick. "She's admitting to killin' Shawn on purpose but then she says she didn't mean to."

"Beth," Rick knelt down beside her, "I have to take you in. You broke your probation. You know that, right?"

"The blood won't come off," she cried and held out her hands. "It's still there."

"Beth," Maggie put her arm around Beth's shoulders, "there's no blood. Rick has to take you in. You were clean but you used again."

Bethie, ya hear that? Daddy's goin' to call the cops. Are you alright?"

"Maggie, shhh. Please...please don't tell daddy. I...I...," Beth looked around her room but her mind was hazy, "I...uh...I'm fine. I didn't do anythin'."

Maggie helped Rick get Beth up and held her arms behind her back as he handcuffed her then led her out to his car.

"Rick, wait," Hershel stopped him just as he put Beth in the car and shut the door. "This isn't right. She's my daughter, my little girl. Can you let her go? If you arrest her now, she may never come back to us."

Rick listened as Hershel pleaded with him and though he knew he shouldn't, he opened the car door and unlocked the handcuffs.

"Keep an eye on her, Hershel."

"I will. But I need your help with somethin'."

"Anythin'."

"What she was sayin', about Shawn, I want you to look into it. Surely there's somethin' the cops overlooked."

"Hershel, that happened seven years ago. I'm not sure there's gonna be anythin' that's changed."

"Would you please look into it? The cops in Tallahassee never told us much about Shawn's death. They never even found the gun Beth used."

Rick sighed, "I'll look into it."

"Thank you."

The men shook hands then Rick left.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning Annie woke Daryl up by pouncing on his bed.<p>

"Uncle Daryl! Uncle Daryl! Wake up! Today's mommy's day! I get to see my mommy!" She squealed happily as Daryl woke up laughing.

Daryl and Annie went through their usual Saturday morning routine of waffles and cartoons before heading to the Greene farm.

Hershel met them at the door and ushered Daryl into the kitchen while Maggie took Annie out to the pasture to see the horses.

"Beth's not herself," was the first thing out of Hershel's mouth but Daryl understood those three words without knowing the full details.

"What'd we do? Annie wants to see her."

Daryl and Hershel looked towards the door when they heard footsteps.

"I don't want to see her," said Beth.

Daryl shook his head. "What tha fuck is wrong with you, Beth? Ya come here, say yer clean an' ya wanna see Annie but tha first chance ya get ya fuck it all up! Yer gon' get yer ass out there an' tell that lil' girl ya don't want 'er 'cause I'm sick of tryin' ta explain to 'er why yer sorry ass ain't there! Merle may be a piece of shit but 'least he gives a damn 'bout 'er an' she knows he loves 'er."

Beth stood there and stared blankly at him.

Hershel put his hand on Daryl's shoulder, "Son, let's go outside."

Daryl reigned in his temper when he saw Annie and Maggie walking towards the house.

"What tha hell's wrong with 'er, Hershel? She was fine a few days ago!"

"We don't know how or where she got the drugs but we're not lettin' her go anywhere without one of us bein' with her."

"Let me in 'er room. If she's got somethin', I'll find it."

"Uncle Daryl, Aunt Maggie said mommy's sick."

"Yeah," Daryl picked her up, "she is."

"Can I see her?"

"Naw..."

"Yes, she can see Beth," Hershel interrupted. "Maggie can stay with them."

"Yay!" Annie squirmed out of Daryl's arms and ran to Maggie, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the house.

"Daryl, Annie needs this," Hershel began once Annie and Maggie were inside, "Beth needs this. Maybe if she spends time with Annie, gets to know her and see what she's been missing out on, maybe she'll stay clean. It couldn't hurt to at least try. But while she's seein' Annie, you can search her room."

Hershel led Daryl upstairs to Beth's room and together they searched every place Daryl could think of.

"Well, that's certainly not what I expected," Hershel said as he looked at the mess Daryl had made and the small pile of things on her bed.

"What'd ya expect? She's got weed, Meth, pills an' other shit. I'm tellin' ya right now, she knew what she was doin' when she came back here. Probably couldn't get anymore of this shit where she was."

Daryl flushed everything he could and threw the rest out. When he had finished, he joined everyone in the living room.

"Hershel, ya mind keepin' Annie for a few days?" Daryl asked.

"Of course I don't mind."

"Aight, y'all can carry 'er ta school. Maggie, can ya pack a bag fer Beth? She's comin' with me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Crazy chapter, I know. But don't hate me yet lol!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Sorry for the wait. Here's a new chapter. Don't be mad. :/**_

_***Anything in Italics is a flashback**_

* * *

><p>Hold On and Let Go<p>

Chapter 5

* * *

><p>Daryl watched as Beth jerked her head from side to side in her sleep. In the past hour, she had kicked her blankets off, woke up screaming and even hit thinkin' when he tried to calm her down.<p>

It's going on a week now since Daryl had taken Beth from the farm and she hasn't been coherent enough to tell him what she took but Daryl had a few guesses.

Watching her now, he wondered how she got so messed up. He knew it was partly Merle's fault. He had gotten Beth hooked on drugs, he used her but the crazy thing is, Daryl believed Merle really did love Beth. He must have to have stuck by her side while she was pregnant and keep Annie.

He still didn't know everything that had gone down between them. The drugs, the fighting, it wasn't something he wanted to be apart of so he opted to work for Hershel. It was the least he could do since his dumbass brother had ruined his youngest daughter.

* * *

><p><em>"C'mon Beth, you owe me. I can't just give my good shit away."<em>

_"Please Caesar, I'll do anythin'. I'll pay you like I did before," Beth said while reaching out to unbutton his shirt._

_He laughed, "In that case, how much do you want?"_

_Beth smiled, quite pleased with herself once he had handed over some drugs and pushed her towards the bedroom._

* * *

><p>Merle slammed his fist into the table, making the people at the next table jump and Rick and Hershel glare at him.<p>

"Do you know anything about the night Beth killed Shawn?" Rick asked.

Merle shook his head. "I don't know shit about that night 'cept she called me an' asked if I could drive down to get her."

"What time was that?"

"Look man, I done told y'all. It was late, 'round ten or so but I wasn't 'bout to drive down to Florida to pick her up. I hung up the damn phone when she started cryin'."

"Well, according to the autopsy, Shawn was killed around eleven-thirty that night," Rick said.

"Merle, why didn't you go pick her up? You could have saved my boys life and hers," Hershel said.

"Listen here, ol' man. I didn't go 'cause it was late an' I wasn't 'bout to drag yer granddaughter out with me. Annie was four weeks old. What tha hell was I supposed to do?"

Rick leaned back in his seat and shook his head. "Do you think Beth actually killed her brother? If she was on drugs, do you think she would've killed him?"

"What I think don't matter none. She killed 'im. End of story."

* * *

><p>Beth sipped the cup of coffee Daryl had given her and tried to stop herself from shaking.<p>

"Yer head clear?" Daryl asked. Beth shook her head.

"I'm a bad mother," she whispered, "I can't be there for her."

"Yeah, ya can. Jus' gotta clean up an' stay that way."

"I never wanted her, Daryl. I only had her because Merle wanted her."

Daryl snorted. "Believe that if ya want but I 'member ya sayin' ya wanted kids. With Merle."

Beth shrugged, "I did. Just never wanted to be sixteen when it happened."

"Well, it happened. Ya cain't change it. All ya can do now is act like her mom."

"But I'm not her mom. Merle doesn't want me to be in her life. And, I'm not even sure I want to be in her life."

"Then why tha hell did ya come back? Run out of drugs? Money?"

Beth nodded her head and gripped her cup tighter as Daryl stared at her.

He stood up and threw down his own cup. "You're a piece of shit," he mumbled.

"I know."

"No ya don't. If ya did, you would've stayed gone! You're all she talks 'bout! She was fine not knowin' you!"

"You think I don't know that?!"

"I don't know what tha hell ta think anymore. I'm fuckin' confused. So why don't ya tell me why you're really here? If ya don't want Annie, why'd ya come by tha house? Why tha fuck are ya here, Beth?"

"I'm in trouble, Daryl!" Beth screamed while fighting back tears. "I was lookin' for Merle. I didn't expect her to be there! I thought he would've...I didn't think he'd keep her!"

Daryl busted out laughing. "Yep, you're a piece of shit, Beth. Ya think he would've gave her up? He made sure she had everythin' she needed. Even after he bought a crib an' other shit for her, ya still thought he wouldn't keep her? He actually bought that shit, Beth! He didn't steal it an' wasn't none of it used. He wanted her an' you knew it."

Beth stared at Daryl blankly before standing up and walking away.

Daryl grabbed her arm before she could get very far. "You ain't leavin'. You're gon' sit yer ass down an' listen ta what tha fuck I have ta say!"

"I don't have to listen to you. I'm leavin'. Now, let go of me!"

"No. You're gon' listen." Daryl pulled her back towards his truck, keeping a tight grip on her arm, he dug some rope out of the bed of his truck and began tying it around her wrists which was difficult to do with her kicking and screaming. "I ain't tryin' ta hurt ya, Beth! I'm tryin' ta get ya clean! We ain't goin' back 'til all that shit ya did is out of ya."

With Beth's arms and legs tied, Daryl carried her to the tent while she continued to scream.

"Go 'head. Keep screamin'. Cain't no one hear ya out here," he told her.

"You can't do this, Daryl! It's kidnapping!"

He shrugged. "So what if it is? If it'll get ya clean, I don't see no harm in it. We're gon' stay here as long as it takes 'cause when we get back, you are gon' sit down with Annie an' talk to her. 'Sides, if ya are in trouble, maybe it'll do ya go ta get clean."

He left Beth sitting in the tent while he went hunting. He was mad at himself for not being able to get through to Beth. She was a lost cause and all he would be doing is hurting Annie. He was mad at Beth and at Merle for bringing an innocent life into this world. He knew Merle would do anything to protect her but Beth, Beth was a different story. She wasn't the same girl she had been. That girl, the one she used to be, would have done everything to make sure her child was taken care of, she never would have put her family through he'll. But this Beth, the one his brother helped create, was different. She didn't care about anyone but herself. Just when he thought he would see a glimpse of the old Beth, she would disappear.

* * *

><p>Merle laid back on his bunk and closed his eyes.<p>

His cell was dark and cold. The only signs of life were the pictures of Annie taped to the wall.

He wanted to do right by her and he had. He had stayed clean. He hadn't done drugs from the moment Beth had told him she was pregnant. Sure, he had been selling drug to make ends meet, but he wasn't using them. He drank a little whenever Annie was with the Greene's but that was it.

All it took for him to end up here was him taking a swing at a smart ass cop and a bag of drugs in his trunk. That was it.

It has been four years since he got to hold Annie and tell her goodnight, since he for to spend a birthday with her. But despite that, he felt he was a better parent than Beth. Though sometimes he knew it wasn't her fault. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," she had said when Merle handed her some pills. He remembers the look that was on her face that night. She had been trying to get him to quit and he considered her an angel for doing that but then she gave up. She gave up on him, she gave up on herself, then she gave up on the world.

* * *

><p><em>"Daddy," Annie held her arms open as wide as she could when Merle bent down with a huge smile on his face.<em>

_"What ya want, princess?" Merle asked, picking her up and pointing to the toys. _

_It was Annie's third birthday and Merle had promised her she could pick out one thing. _

_As he carried her through the aisles and pointed at toy after toy with her shaking her head no, Merle couldn't help but think about how much she was like Beth already._

_He'd never admit this to anyone but before that moment, he had thought Beth would come back to them. The first few months after Annie was born, Merle had been in denial. He knew it, Daryl knew it, hell, everyone in the county knew it. He had thought that by keeping Annie, Beth would come back. She'd realize she had made a mistake but she never did._

_"Daddy," Annie whispered, pulling Merle out of his thoughts. She didn't say anything, just pointed._

_Merle shook his head and picked up the baby doll._

_"Ya sure?" He asked._

_Annie smiled around the thumb that was in her mouth and shook her head yes._

Merle wiped the tears from his eyes at the memory of the last birthday he spent with his baby girl.

Not one person in the world could've been happier than him to know he would be getting out the day before her seventh birthday.

He was going to do right this time.

* * *

><p>After cleaning the squirrels he had gotten, Daryl unzipped the tent and sat down.<p>

"What kind of trouble are ya in?"

Beth rolled over and faced him. "The kind I can't get out of, at least not alive."

"What did ya do?"

"I know I fucked up. I've done things I shouldn't have. Things I never thought I'd do. But there were some things I refused to do. I took some money, just enough to get me far enough away. I didn't have anywhere else to go, Daryl. That's why I came here. Merle's the only one who could've helped me."

"You really didn't think he had Annie?"

"No, I didn't think he did. Merle never seemed like the type to keep a kid. Whenever I brought it up, he always said he didn't want kids."

"She's blood. Merle wasn't 'bout ta let anyone else raise 'er."

"I guess that makes sense. I just can't be her mom," Beth sighed and held out her wrists, "Would you please untie me?"

"No. Not 'til I'm sure you're clean. We've only been out here a few days..."

"Daryl, I feel fine."

"Yeah. You're sayin' that now but ya ain't crashed yet."

Beth couldn't keep herself from thinking about what might have been as she laid in the tent that night. She couldn't sleep and there wasn't anything there that could keep those thoughts away like before.

_"Would you like to hold your daughter?" The nurse asked._

_Her eyes and head were hazy but she nodded. The nursed placed the baby in her arms with a smile before leaving._

_Beth stared down at the baby and held her close to her chest. With tears in her eyes, she gently rocked her._

_"I'm so sorry, baby girl. I'm sorry," she cried. _

_"What ya cryin' for?" Merle asked._

_She looked at him, then down at the baby in her arms. _

_"I don't want her, Merle. I never did."_

_"Bullshit," he said and sat down next to her, "I know ya want her."_

_"No Merle," Beth shook her head, "I don't want her. I never did."_

_"What tha fuck ya talkin' 'bout?"_

_"I do not want her!" Beth clenched her jaw and shoved the baby into Merle's arms._

_He took her without a word and stared at Beth in disbelief._

_He saw her fists clenching the blanket on the bed and knew she was close to screaming. He wasn't one to stay quiet, always having something to say but he didn't now._

_"Take her," Beth said, "I never want to see her again."_

And she didn't, not until a few weeks ago. She didn't need to see her when she signed the papers. She could go weeks, months, without thinking of her baby.

But now...now she wonders why she did that.

Was she just afraid? Scared of what kind of mother she would be? Scared of what kind of father Merle would be?

"I don't want her. Take her," Beth cried in her sleep as Daryl watched her.

He couldn't bring himself to wake her up.

If he did, he'd just have more questions. He probably wouldn't have anything nice to say either.

* * *

><p>A week and a half later, Maggie was sitting on the front porch in the swing with Annie when Daryl's truck pulled into the driveway.<p>

She wrapped her arms around Annie and watched as Daryl climes out of the truck.

He looked at her and gave her a quick nod, signaling that everything was okay and she didn't have to hang onto their niece.

He walked over to the passenger side and opened the door, picking a sleeping Beth up out of her seat and carrying her inside.

Maggie looked at Daryl expectantly as he closed the door to Beth's room.

"So?" She said.

"So, I'm takin' Annie home. We ain't comin' back, 'least not ta see Beth. She made it clear she wasn't here to see her and she didn't want to see her. I cain't change her mind."

"I figured as much," Maggie said, crossing her arms.

Daryl shrugged and walked away.

Annie was waiting by the stairs when Daryl came down.

His heart broke at the look on her face.

"Mommy doesn't want me, does she?"

Daryl looked at her with tears in his eyes and bit his lip.

He couldn't and wouldn't tell a child her mother didn't want her, especially this child.

He picked her up without a word and sat down on the bottom stair with her in his lap.

"It's not thy she doesn't want ya. She jus'...yer mama's sick. Maybe after she gets better you can come see her."

Annie put her hands on Daryl's cheeks. "It's okay Uncle Daryl, I know she doesn't want me. I jus' wanted a mommy but I have you and daddy and grandpa and Aunt Maggie. I don't need a mommy."


End file.
